24 Hours

Wild sex with manners

by TANYA ENBERG

24 Hours, June 23, 2004

Toronto-based author and columnist, Josey Vogels, never tires of sex.

The juicy subject has kept the scribe inspired and amazed for more than a decade, when she first started writing the column, My Messy Bedroom . Since then, Vogels has continued to offer a candid, and sometimes dirty, look at life between the sheets.

Vogels, who also hosts the popular TV series, My Messy Bedroom, has five books under her belt. In her most recent release, Bedside Manners (HarperCollins), Vogels delivers a funny and frank how-to guide for being polite even in the diciest of sexual scenarios — from the one-night romp and the quickie, to first-time sex and couple swapping.

“It’s not a bad little gig,” laughs Vogels.

“I’ve always had a natural curiosity.and the more I started exploring it, the more there was to discover.”

In 10 years, a lot has changed in the world of sex, especially for women, Vogels notes. Certainly HBO’s hit series, Sex and the City , helped move things along. Suddenly women everywhere were comfortable dishing out the delicious details of their bedroom sexcapades to their girlfriends.

“I do think it’s one of the few programs that really reflects what women go through, although I feel like we don’t see a completely honest representation of it,” she admits.

What has changed to a lesser extent, however, is the mind of the man, Vogels believes.

“[Guys] don’t think women talk that that,” she laughs. Still, oral banter is one thing, but are we actually getting wilder as time goes on?

“There is definitely a lot more public sex-talk going on, but I am still a little suspect about how much our sex lives have changed behind closed doors.

“[Sex] is still a bit taboo.but I think among women, it has changed.”

Vogels has a point. Women — once expected to stay virgins until outfitted in a white gown for their big walk down the aisle — are no longer ashamed to wear white on their wedding day, minus their virginal status.

Now, she says, it’s time to whip our bedside manners into shape.

“Be considerate of people’s egos,” Vogels stresses.

Even if a man’s equipment is on the smallish side, don’t make a huge deal out of it, she notes.

“Don’t point and laugh. It’s really not a good idea. You’re probably going to talk to your girlfriends about it later, but in my experience, men who have small penises, if they’re nice guys in any way, shape or form, they’re going to make up for it in other ways.”

Bedside Manners also offers tips for communicating your likes and dislikes, setting boundaries, and exploring new sexual territory, all amid colourful stories from sources who’ve seen and tried it all.

Copyright (c) 2004, Toronto 24 Hours, Sun Media Corporation